Sunday, May 30, 2010


Because we're still getting to know each other, I've devised a helpful little question-and-answer session, printed below. This should answer some of the no-doubt MANY questions you have about working in a convenience store/gas-station. It will also let you know something about what my average workday is LIKE....
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! How come gas is so friggin expensive?
A: You talkin to me? I just work here.
Q: Yeah, but gas costs too much, right?
A: Sure. And I pay the same high prices you do, so whatta you want from me? It's not like it was my idea. It's not like it's all going to pay for my raise....
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Is there something wrong with your gas pumps? My debit card doesn't seem to work out there.
A: The pumps are fine. Maybe it's your card.
Q: It works everywhere else!
A: Uh huh....
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! How about that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico?
A: You talkin to me? Does this look like a BP station?
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! How do I get back onto Highway 16?
A: Just go over the hill. When you get to the bottom, start across the overpass and get in the left-hand-turn lane, it'll shoot you back onto the freeway & you're golden from there.
Q: What was that again?
A: Go out this end of the parking lot, over the hill, & when you get to the bottom that'll be the freeway right in front of you. Just watch for the signs.
Q: One more time....?
A: Over the hill, watch for the signs. You can't miss it.
Q: That's kind of rude.
A: Well, I may be rude but I know one thing for sure.
Q: What's that?
A: I ain't lost.
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Your 18-packs of beer are too expensive! 18-packs are $2 less at the store down the street!
A: Maybe you should go there, then.
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Can I use your bathroom?
A: No.
Q: Can I buy cigarettes with no ID?
A: Sweetie, you're 12. Get outta here.
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Why are cigarettes so friggin expensive?
A: Because you're in Washington and the State wants your money. All of it.
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Do you get any benefits with this job?
A: Yeah, I get the benefit of getting paid every two weeks and being able to hang-out with you fine people five or six nights a week.
Q: Is that all?
A: Plus all the free coffee and sodas I can keep down.
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! You got any special deals on cigarettes?
A: You're in the wrong state.
Q: Hey, Bro! Can I use your bathroom? I think I'm gonna throw up--
A: No.
Q: Hey, do you know where I can get some pot?
A: Jeezus, didn't I just tell you to get the hell outta here?
Q: Bro,where'syourenergydrinksatbro?
A: Right in front of you....
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Do you guys take food stamps?
A: No.
Q: No?
A: Is there an echo in here?
Q: Why don't you? Everybody's got 'em now.
A: Yeah, I know. With the economy in the toilet, everybody's on food stamps. And everybody I see with a food stamp card is driving a nicer car than mine and has $50's and $100's bulging outta their wallet. What's their secret? And where do I go to get mine? And ... Hey, where did he go...?
Q: Hey, Gas Nazi! Your wife must be a real saint to put up with all your bullshit.
A: I don't have a wife.
Q: ...I'm not surprised....


R Smith said...

holy sheet does this remind me of the years that I used to work at a gas station back in the late 70s/early 80s. Keep them coming, I'm sure i'll read them.

tad said...

Ghod bless ya, Crabby. More in the works.... -- TAD.